number one

And so I find myself back, writing. I've virtually stopped blogging since army days, and though I've loads of different reasons, it comes down mainly to the fact that it dawned upon me that there's nothing I have to say that hasn't been said by someone elsewhere, albeit in a different context. I think the hugeness of the blogging community (although it's mostly filled with mundane daily rants and cam-whores) makes it so insignificant to be writing, pausing to think after every little phrase to grasp the exact meaning of what you're trying to convey. After all, the moment i click publish so do a thousand other people.

I've also been subconsciously extending my egoistic philosophy towards those around me, neglecting the fact that they actually believe in something other than self-purpose. (or think they do) I'm therefore harsher in my interactions with others, even though I don't often show it. It's one thing to hold someone accountable for something they did, but I think most of these dimwits don't even realise their blatant unconcern for others, and yes that is a part of egoism. They just go on imposing on you with the bizarre expectation that you'll ask them to get lost once you don't want to put up with it anymore.

It made me realise my increasingly shrug-to-everything attitude. Whether I'm pissed, happy or bored, I have to do justice to my own persona and act like I like to give a damn about things that neither have a bearing on my life nor does it matter to me which way they end up. Shrug. So I go on tolerating, often wondering if it's time to just throw it all back. But then again, dimwits and logic don't mix anyway so why bother right? Shrug. A simple shrug is really the best answer to most of the questions that pop into my head nowadays.

And thus the blog. I hate the fact that I had to borrow Rand's title for this, but nothing that came to my mind in the five minutes in which the idea of this blog was conceived was more fitting. So it stuck. If eventually someone's reading this, this entry was written for my benefit and mine alone. I figure eventually I might open this blog to others to read. For now it just feels nice to know that I can write without the hesitation or the motivation of anyone else reading it.